* Set your goal and know your purpose for the communication. Realise that the other person is not here to meet your needs or to make you happy. This expectation creates a great deal of pain and constitutes the greatest mistake in any relationship. （設定溝通目標，並且了解其他人無法對你是否快樂負責。）
* Share your feelings of upset. Take responsibility for your feelings and experience. If they are your feelings, you are the one who can change them. Blame stops communication and looks for scapegoats (no one advances when this occurs). （分享負面情緒並且負起責任。）
* Remember that the other person will be motivated to communicate if they are no longer the target. If you are saying, ‘I want to share something with you’ and meaning, ‘let me tell you what you did wrong’, then every time you open your mouth, you will be attacking – not communicating. （不指責。）
* Take the upset feelings off the other person, and talk about your present feelings instead. Do this as if you (not the other person) are responsible for your feelings. As you talk about your feelings, identify whether they are old or familiar ones, which is the case if there is a negative pattern already there. Discuss how these feelings may originate from other times and places, and share any old memories of similar situations. To keep this effective, focus on the upsetting emotion as the most important thing to share, rather than the story. （說自己的感覺，並且不要對方為你的情緒負責。）
* If what you say ‘triggers off’ the other person emotionally, support them if they are in greater pain. When they have finished, return to what you were saying. During this communication, take a new attitude toward emotions. Be willing to feel your feelings with neither exaggeration or dismissal. An exaggeration is a form of emotional manipulation or blackmail, which avoids true feeling. It also reinforces dissociation, non-communication and feelings of failure in the other person. Often in a relationship, when one person feels terrible it is actually a relationship feeling shared by both but usually only felt by one unless there’s a lot of awareness. If that person either runs from their feelings, or tries to give the bad feeling to the other, the result is a power struggle. Your willingness to own the bad feeling and transform it for both of you either by feeling the feelings until they are gone, or by some other means, will win the admiration of the other person. Your willingness to move forward will move you both forward. （如果你所說的事情引發對方負面感受，表現你的支持，然後再回到重點。真實說出你的感覺，不要誇張也不要貶低感受。通常在關係裡面會有一方承受較多負面的感覺，若有一方不願意對自己的感受負責任，就會引起權力爭奪。若你願意承擔壞感受而想辦法去轉化，那麼你將贏得另外一方的尊敬。你向前邁進的意願，將使得兩人一起向前邁進。）
* Take responsibility for the other person’s feelings and experiences as well as your own. See them as part of your mind. Recognise that anything they seem to be doing to you that you do not like is typically what you are doing to yourself or what you are doing to others. （為對方的負面感受和經驗負責，並覺察這種負面感覺是否也是你對待自己或對待別人的方式。）
* If what you are experiencing is painful, ask your Higher Mind for help and grace. Know that the extent to which you are relying on yourself is the extent of the difficulty. If nothing else, use the power of choice to decide, ‘I could be feeling peace or happiness instead of this misery.’ As you keep making this choice, you will notice the situation begin to unfold in a whole new way. （若還是很痛苦，請高層心靈幫忙，記得你永遠可以選擇感覺平安與快樂。）
* Make an effort to reassure the other person about your positive feelings toward them and the relationship. Do not be discouraged if your reassurances of love, faithfulness, and so on seem to disappear down a bottomless well, or if the other person seems to dismiss or not hear what you are saying – they will be listening and your reassurance will make a vital difference. （努力向對方傳達對於這段關係的正面感受，即使有時候對方不見得收得到訊息。）
* Do not allow grievances to get in the way – even if you feel justified – or you will suffer for it. To be totally right about how things are means you are then stuck with the situation as it presents itself. Be willing to be wrong, so a happy situation can present itself. If you don’t get caught by your anger, you can find the healing, gift or miracle hiding behind every negativity. （不要讓不滿阻擋關係進展，事情沒有絕對對錯，且記得在負面情緒中，會有讓人快樂的禮物出現，所以不要生氣太久。）
1 comment:
Howdy јust wanted to give yοu a brief heads uρ and
let уou know a feω οf the piсturеs aren't loading properly. I'm
not sure why but I think itѕ a linking iѕsue. Ӏ've tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.
My site - how to get love back in your relationship
Post a Comment